Weeklong Offline Sickness

Oh my God. I have a lot to say but I guess I need to make this short and concise.

I am so sorry I broke my promise… I had almost (I guess really it was) a week since I had my last post here in Friendster blogs. I’m so sorry that now I have to type on everything that had happened during the whole week. But before that I also have to tell the reasons why I am out… Maybe just find out because I had a more significant agenda during those days.

Nov 13, Thursday

I went to Lyceum of the Philippines Cavite Campus in Manggahan, General Trias to file my scholarship application for the next year (2009-2010). Well, Lyceum of the Philippines is quite a good school, that however is a private one (and sad for me, not affordable). Yet, in return, the facilities are evident that all paid is all used up.

We tried to roam around, and the Cavite Campus is (I think) smaller than the main campus. Still, it looks so fabulous and I really like to see it more on the 22nd (that’s Saturday, our test for the scholarship).

Nov 14, Friday

From the Lyceum experience yesterday, we now go back to Tanza and to reality.

Nothing special. All I remembered is I sang the Great Jubilee Song so greatly (how I praise myself) and my Values Education teacher noticed it and the Girls group got a positive remark for that singing. Quite a compliment, that I know the lyrics (everyone sang so lowly that my voice overpowered the others).

Open your hearts to the Lord
And begin to see the mystery
That we are all together, as one family
No more walls, no more chains
No more selfishness and closed doors
For we are in the fulness of God’s time
It’s the time of the great jubilee

Nov 15, Saturday

I slipped to the 13th spot on the IV-Einstein’s top 35 students for the 2nd period of the present school year. I admit the decline was brought by shortcomings because I was used for interschool competitions, and academics and extra-curriculars mixed up, but in a great misery a teacher of mine gave me a humiliating grade I know I don’t deserve. Only a project, and missed quizzes suit her reasons, which I swear to myself untrue. I know I did submit, and so are my closest classmates, including a fellow who was also prejudiced by the lack of the requirement.

My parents are trying to clarify this matter with the teacher concerned and as how I understand, the teacher’s alleges against me are not true with respect to her statements:

• She said I was notified several times by a text message through a classmate telling my insufficiency of the project. (That is not true according to a classmate who the teacher said was notified. I replied to a text message two weeks before the red letter day received by a classmate that I did submit a project. She replied late, reasoning out that mine was lost - or she accented, “did not submit” - and is not accounted for.)
• She had told my parents that I already know my problem for a long time and not even dared to approach her during the days of the 2nd Grading Period. (Untrue. I only knew it two days before this very day, Nov 17. She did a personal confrontation - which I consider an accusation - on her own class treated a part of the 3rd Grading Period.)
• She said I didn’t even submitted the lecture notebook she told us to pass after a test. (Another untrue statement. The one assigned to collect the notebooks even talked to me and got my notebook from me personally. The teacher even had her red ink in my notebook, signed Nov 9, 2008.)

I don’t know how this would mean, but I tell this to the best of my knowledge and honesty. I have enough witnesses to testify about my innocence and purity. I am hoping that this problem would be solved accordingly.

Nov 16, Sunday

My Uncle Edgid went to our house with his grandchild (in other terms, my niece) Althea (or Teang, I then remember when it was my time calling me Ilyang - a nick for Cecilia) and some relatives. They brought their Php800 K brand-new Mitsubishi Adventure and got a trip inside it around the subdivision.

I had cleaned my room all right, and then by night we consulted my class adviser about that problem I had with a teacher. I think the consultation went useless, that I really need to talk to the concerned without any other teachers’ help. How humuliating.

Nov 17, Monday

Aww, that’s today. How bad I was mentioned again specailly. And instead of supporting my plan, my adviser reprimanded my attitude, and blamed Journalism for all the doo-doo. Where in fact I am not guilty, I am not affected, yet I really have to say (before I could spit this out violently) that I suspect that teachers have to protect their clads, despite that which stands on the good side is the little, voiceless student.

And favoritism lurking all over.

I never ever had encountered a person dealing without any favorite in his personality. From what he frequently wears, mostly used colors, delectable foods. Even the best position in sleeping, the best ballpoint you are using, and the best environment you want to work. We all have our own favorite. Do not dare to say you hadn’t had a slumbook (if you really are, you are whichever of the two: you’re still young and unexperienced, or you’re losing hope), or even asked by your crushes. We have to like something that fits our personality, in short, a favorite thing.

I was a victim though. No, everyone was a victim. And since we all have favoritism, we are all the prey of our own trap.

No more to discuss about that. It was, in fact, a very big flaw why there are personal touches on the grading systems in the Philippines (I wonder why should include a character in the grade, wherein we all have different attitudes. It is unfair for everyone. You have to be nice in which you are already enraged about). This is why I ratherly like computer-operated instructors to teach the next generation in the future.

Then, we didn’t meet any of our subject teachers today, for we all had our part (I guess so) for the preparetions for the coming TNCHS Foundation Day on December 1 and 2. Section IV-Einstein was assigned to the Blind Date Booth and now trying to find customers for the fair. I hope TNCHSers would support this more, just have an appointment with the class representatives and talk about the reservations. This is pre-paid and costs Php10.00 for the regular basis and a 1 minute extension costs Php1.00 each.

Thank you guys. I don’t know when I could go blogging for real or for never.

Let’s see what happens.

C’est La’vie.

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!
LARA

The Fee We Can’t Pay

Good evening guys.

(Yeah it is night mode here right now, 20:02 p.m. here in my favorite Internet cafe.)

I am currently watching (though I actually listen while I type my blog) the music video of Decode, another Paramore song and also a soundtrack of the movie Twilight (out now!!! Go watch and it’s so great!!!). That soothes me, with Hayley’s powerful voice, the lyrics’ deep meaning, and of course, the enigmatic sound it has. Quite true for the movie, wherein Bella’s is the only mind Edward cannot decipher. And the incorporated fiction of a romance between a human and a vampire just makes the movie more exciting. That would be a hit, surely.

Despite that I had said good things in my intro, I’m still that up into criticizing the flaws of the world; if you give a shrug about it please leave this site as soon as possible or you won’t be able to understand what I’m talking about; or at least try to read some of my posts and you’ll find me not-so-kind. Yeah. Yours truly went so annoyed about today’s ordeal.

I was this irritated when our teacher just told about the school’s publication fee. Okay. Reveal it, it’s my Jouranlism teacher I’m talking about. Well I was not irritated because of her, but what she had said. Not the words she spoke, but the meaning it imposed.

Yet, it was not my fault. It’s the other students’ irresponsibility of paying what should they pay. The school fees include the P.T.A. (Parents-Teachers’ Association if you are not familiar) fee, the publication fee, and the miscellaneous fees like the Red Cross Philippines membership fee, the Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts of the Philippines membership fee, etc. As much as I know the payment went Php360 or more for boys and Php340 for girls (’m not quite sure but if I’ll get to know I’ll update this one) that if observed that Tanza National Comprehensive High School is a public, comprehensive, national, secondary institution, the payment might be this considerably high.

The Php90 publication fee of TNCHS’ school paper per student is enough to reproduce 4,995 copies that suffices 1:1 ratio to students. That is, if the TNCHSers have the initiative to pay.

Poverty is always an excuse. Actually we all live in dearth, an undeniable fact because of the factors so repetitive to mention. Since my school is a public, government school it offers the free education the Republic of the Philippines granted effect for many years. Younger Filipinos have this advantage, but then we still get the burden of payments we thought “included in the free education”.

As a student who experienced the hustle and bustle of the school for four years, I know it is the fault of the higher ones.

This year’s enrolment (school year 2008-2009) went so awkward compared to the former years that passed. With the launching of the new class schedules, the school had focused on rebuilding the burned buildings by several incidents of “arson” (as how the authorities had suspected, or an act of threat among the townspeople and maybe, the school’s administration), that when the enrolment came the responsible ones went differently. What is that gap? The absence of the last station you have to fall in line (according to the past enrolment schemes): pay fees to the school accountant.

I, too was surprised when the guidance counselor I talked to told that “Sa pasukan na lang ang bayad” (Pay when school is already open). At first I was happy knowing that my Ninoy Aquino* won’t be taken from me on that very day I listed myself in, and that would be very fit if I buy something lower than Php500. But that glee is not a joy at all.

Months after, the school required parents of its students to attend several PTA meetings. And as how the meeting went, it had complained about the low rate of payment by the students. Parents don’t have any defense for that, that they were informed to pay whenever the school started classes.

One thing the others don’t know, is how to feel if they were in the shoes of the people who are not capable of pulling out a lot of Ninoys (if not the Manuel Roxases*, or if they are too down bunch of Manuel Quezons*) that instant to pay the doo-doo (I already love this word) of the school. It might be easy to see, get and feel the money, but before we can get a grip of it, we had spent gallons of sweat, blood and tears to put that amount in your payslip. I admit I had a harder time getting my Ninoy back, but it is true, money is hard to get without the effort (except for the effortless tycoons out there). It is hard, especially when you are overworked-underpaid employee. Add the economis crises thinning us out, and then now, the fees, that in return, give quality education.

What can we say, it is for the sake of education. We should risk if risk is needed, and since the knowledge is more important than the wonders brought by money, we choose to suffer in its consequences.

What I only hope is that these sufferings would be paid off.

That, is by good, quality education.

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA

* The names of Filipino icons are referred to as the people in the Philippine peso bills.

Simplicity Means Complexity

こんにちは!!!

It was nice feeling like you were in cloud nine: nothing to do but stay at home, do the chores you surely miss to do, shout with your nagger (it really sounds like mother, peace!!!) and pull out your blankets and sleep all day; fill your eyes with new discoveries, jump with your sneakers and explore malls, and get your butts ready for a thrilling ride; and simply feel free from the schoolwork, the responsibilities and the doo-doo messed around. It was soothing out from school. The semestral break gave me a short relaxation of all the things we did.

Well, as for now, the five-day semestral break is already up.

What?!

I don’t know if it is a sort of time warp, but I really feel the “break between semesters” is not yet done. Well, what can we say, as I told you in one of my posts here, the break would last for only five days (including the weekends), compared to the luxury of days we had before. However, who am I (and the others I know complain with that, yet silent) to whinge about it? I’m just a student whose little voice seems so a call to br disregarded by those who should understand and listen to me (don’t get angry if you’re guilty, it is a matter of conscience haunting you now).

Over of that dramatic monologue about a blah, blah, blah, I must say that today went so ordinary again. I had my friends, enemies, and teachers in a room and blast!!! I guess I would not get an escape away, that in those five days away from school I still miss them. I had adpted to the noise, environment and companty of these people that I too became so excited seeing my classmates again (how I wish they won’t read this, or else I’ll be coined “emo” again).

That’s it.

Why can’t I say something about these people? They’re just my classmates, I see them everyday, I work with them almost all time. They seem so commonplace, not even a hint of distinct behavior. We’re all but a bunch of noisy students in a classroom, annoying a teacher with our racket and the mischief. We’re just high school students studying normally. Yeah. We’re just normal. Just simple.

Have you ever seen a thing so simple?

Poets might have answered that question, but those answers took them a deep thinking, with their high-sounding words, idioms, and rhymes. What about us? Are really there things so simple? I guess there is none. All came from a very serious undertaking, all were done in a tedious pursuit. Life is not that simple since there are things we still can’t explain, even our origin remains stucked in a theory. No invention went with a principle of science, which the idea took complicated formulas and uneasy processes before it is utilizable. Even our own talents come from an abyss of the unexplainable, the intricate, rare ability we ourselves have.

Complex. Complicated. Dense.

If so, is there something about those people around me that is so complicated with them? What is the different amidst the simplicity of themselves?

I guess, it depends on how I see them. They are so simple, that in between things I considered the difficult, they are a lot easier to handle. But when it is too easy, the consequences are just more difficult than what is expected. My classmates may not be exactly like that, but their simplicity means they are the people who are that humanistic enough to be themselves. So as the others around me. They are humans, they feel, they know, they see.

And they fail, they win, they learn.

We are the best creatures this sphere. We have the best, all of it. We are simple, but with us come things that are just difficult to be involved.

さようなら!!!

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA

I Love My Kins

こんにちは!!!

 Hi guys… I am sorry if I did not have my post yesterday, Nov. 1. I was busy with the house and I needed to fix my room because you know, it is another month, and I guess changing the room’s ambience would do it… and it took me almost the whole day (and night) to remake my room. I don’t know, but I guess the room makeover is also a sort of impressing my kins from the other world… that if they see my room (if they were on vacation since it is their day today - yeah the All Souls’ Day) and be proud of their Lara. And seriously, it is for my gain too (who would like a very gloomy room with all sorts of insects and cobwebs while it is already spooky outside? I would not like that neither).

Now…

I am back typing my blog for today… (take note it is November 2, 17:54) and I guess I had started so late now. Well, it is a big goodluck to me… and the goosebumps to come.

:D :D :D :D :D

As for this moment, I am trying to think of who are my relatives that went to heaven (I think some went to hell… no I am just joking - I don’t know?) because when I tried to ask who are those relatives we have to light candles for, Mom just said, “Get a paper and ballpen, and write those you know.”

Yieee….. I know at least 10, my mother’s parents (two), my father’s parents (two also), my mother’s brother, my mother’s uncles (I only know two), my father’s aunt (I really remember this because my Dad really went to Cebu with the dead), my mother’s cousin (I know one, I’m not sure about the other), and our last dog. I guess this number won’t need a paper for a list, and I had found out that our family has more deceased than what I had ever known (well I’m just sure about the ten, I actually know 25 of them under the ground).

I guess the ten big candles I bought is not that enough to pray for over 50 departed kins of our family… not adding the family friends and acquaintances yet. I don’t even know if I’d get to school tomorrow… I have to pray for all of them, at least, since we are not actually at their graves. We’re just lighting wax sticks for their souls.

Well, the point here is, we have to reminisce, at any rate, our relatives who already passed away. But this does not mean we really have to be at the front of their own tombs within this holiday, instead, for this time, we remember their life when they were used to be here with us. We try to recall what had been the best times they had, and the things they left us.

As for me I don’t know about them. My mother’s parents’ death came to my knowledge when I was capable of understanding it, yet what only I had known of them is that they used to cradle me when I was an infant, and nothing more, except that they were my mother’s parents. So as my father’s. I had never seen them but on a little photograph, and stories coming from my parents. If I know little about my grandparents, what about the less close to me? I call them kins but I don’t know who they really were, besides their name. What did they do with their lives? Do they even know me? What was the thing remarkable from them that I should remember for them? If they don’t know me, and so am I, why should I pray for them?

We are family.

I read that emphasized statement in a book by David Hontiveros called Parman. Mangilala (the Tempter, or the Satan in the religious language) told this to Uno, the Perfect Man of Magbabaya (the Creator). (To tell that, Magbabaya and Mangilala are brothers, and Uno is the Creator’s only son, so the Perfect Man is Mangilala’s nephew) That even though Mangilala is the devil in the story, he still realizes that blood (if Mangilala did have blood) is still thicker than water (if you cannot get an idea with this, read the book!!!), with regards to Ernesto Madrigal and the powerful content of the bottle the latter had in possession.

That even though we don’t have the best of knowledge about our relatives, it is still family that should surface. (The following is about Filipino pride, and culture) We have the most valuable group that we can trust in society, our family. Without them we could not have known more people, that without their presence we are nothing but individuals of solitude. That remembering them, means we value their existence.

Light candles, say your prayers, remember them.

Have a happy All Soul’s Day.

ありがとう!!!

さようなら!!!

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!!!

LARA

All Hallows’ Even

こんにちは!

Hi guys… I’m quite happy to have myself here in front of a computer monitor and typing my post for today. It feels relaxed to have your own experiences be posted here…

I would like to say to those artists who made the Filipino versions of international hits and TV shows that it was quite proud that we did our own rendition of those (to the singers especially), but it seems that our lyrics don’t really fit the rhythm. However, it’s still Filipino pride… and a big hand for you all!!!

Now I know you readers have read that intro, don’t cry… I really love OPM but I guess it’s evolving now, and that gives a big change for us. Throwing that away (that is how I love OPM… :D) the title for my post today seems to be familiar, right? It means, or it pertains to, what we are celebrating today. My calendar here in blog might be different from the time I am in now, I wrote this October 31, 17:55. Yeah, today is what the title is about. All Hallow’s Even is simply Halloween.

Goosebumps!!!

My hairs would be standing straight once I go home from here (presently I am in an Internet cafe) seeing people wearing yucky make-ups, spooky costumes and frightening moans. I feel more of the holiday spirit here in our village on the yearends… and Halloween is one of those celebrations. I see now a vampire-wanna-be here telling the crowd of Internet and RPG addicts to join the trick or treat here. Well the vampire is just a small bat, and it seemed no one heard him. The group playing DotA here were just screaming about the victory of their member over the other… Maybe it somehow changed, but outside, once I step out of this Internet cafe, I know there are a lot of children who are still keeping the tradition.

I have to type very fast now. Like the speed of sound. I have to finish this early, I don’t want to get out in here and find out that it’s already dark and see a lot of vampires and ghosts that wander around the village.

I’m not actually afraid of them, I might as well shoo them away and tell that they have fake costumes, yeah the insults to children who in return cry out loud and run back home. What I’m afraid of is knowing that my kinfolks resting in peace would appear before you and come with you homewards or simply tell that I must go home.

(Oh my God, I’m alone here! I don’t know if an apparition would happen just before me!)

I have to admit, I am quite afraid of ghosts. Maybe so because I don’t see them, unlike the people who have the sixth sense. I may feel them, only that in silence and noise I feel the loud and the silent, respectively. But this doesn’t mean I am that psychic enough to be like that (remember I told you in my Demo Image Reasons blog that I am not really into psychic world) and I guess I am happier being innocent about the supernatural than living with that truth.

Yeah. I have the utmost respect for souls, and I pray for them especially for their own peace.

And so, us, the living ones, should still have respect to the deceased because when they are provoked, they have an immensurable strength that even though they are unable to manipulate the tangible, still has impact to the living. Their existence might not be this felt, but their power in afterlife can be a destructive force in the balance of the supernatural. This is why we all have the tradition of holding Halloween, to reminisce the departed, to respect their presence and to celebrate for their peace.

Well, I guess I have to end this now. I have to light candles for our beloved ones up above and pray for them to where they are now. The trip to province with the whole family would be very expensive and unaffordable, so we resort to candles lit at our facade. Yet, I know the souls of our kins would understand… besides presence is not physically (as of this occasion), but the spiritual concern.

Happy Halloween!!!

幸せハロウィーン!!!

Trick or Treat!!!

 トリックか御馳走!!! 

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA

Filipino Versions? (Or Just Another Rendition Off Track)

 こんにちは!

Oh my God!!! It’s been a week since I’m typing and I realized my blog, your rolling star, is also a week old!!! This is quite an achievement for me, and this were all thanks to my sponsors (my parents) and supporters (my friends).

I’m quite tired of greeting you the “Konnichiwa” way so I greeted you today with the Hiragana form of good day. Well it reads the same as how it is written in our alphabet. Remember Nihonggo alphabet is by syllabication, so each character would read ko-n-ni-chi-wa.

Today I am already cured from the car freshener hallucination, and I promise that it burned my brain nerves the whole night and I woke up like I came from hell. But when I ate breakfast and freshened up, wow, I’m back and kicking.

So, we’re back to normal. (But if you like how I did yesterday, the Demo, Image and Reasons blog trio - yeah that blog took three topics, and that’s why the title sounded weird - just post your comment here and tell me to do so. I am considering opinions about my style. ありがとう!: a-ri-ga-to-u!)

Let’s get started.

Adding to the descriptions of yours truly from the start, I am also a music lover and I almost love all the music world ever has, except for those that existed before me (you know them). But at least, I have the ear for such. So there goes the commonplace, (now it’s sembreak) after I wake up I’ll search for the stereo’s remote controller and start my day with the DJs’ voices and the songs played. It was this when I stumbled (but I don’t know why I remained listening at that whilst I really don’t like the laughing and the language of the jocks here) at this station that played a familiar tune: a Flo Rida and T-Pain song, Low.

It was quite a delight because I get to hear the upbeat rhythm and tune of the song but I’m surprised that the lyrics were in Filipino. Another delight, because a Filipino dared to put his own version of the song in line with the original. The song went on, but as how it progressed I grew bored hearing it. The magic of the beat faded, the humming went useless. I became disappointed.

The Filipino rendition of that song is one of the many popular international songs that hit our country, from Fergie Ferguson’s “Clumsy” to Rihanna’s “Umbrella” and “Don’t Stop the Music”, Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love”, and Soulja Boy’s “Crank That”. More were posted in YouTube and other similar websites, and the fever of the Filipino renditions had captured the radio mainstream and even the music video channels.

MariMar, My Girl, LaLola, My Name is Kim Sam Soon. Who would’ve not known these shows? The local networks have offered the Filipino style of these shows the past months and viewers were surprised about the outcome. They didn’t expect of a more different and “Filipinistic” primetime series that the mass enjoyed during their duration. As a result, there came a tighter competition for audience. These were known by the global village through our OFWs and immigrants abroad, thus Filipino pride went higher.

It sounded good because the Filipinos did another mark on the face of the world. We were superstars again. We are at the spotlight. But is it really that we are that good to put these renditions in line with the original versions?

For me, it’s more humiliating, rather than appreciating.

Of course the songs and the shows all went great, proof that the local people rated (the shows) and voted (the songs) to a promising spot in the charts and surveys, but they went too not that as good as how their originals went “internationally-acclaimed”. That is what pains below the belt for us. We have efforted but we do not meet the standards.

So here goes everything, the neverending issue of colonialism and the worsened mentality of “idolizing foreigners” (please correct me if there is a word equivalent to this one) produces this. The obsession of us having our own version of each and every song and TV show is nothing but another weak point about us, a trait that keeps us in the mudpool of shame.

We don’t have originality.

I am not accusing us (though it’s true, and I’m part of the Philippine nation) but it hurts deep that we, Filipinos have the best of creativity among the others and here we are, converting other’s works to another yet off track, out of the song’s beat, or the show’s gist. That we could do better than those we make our own version.

But I guess the purpose of that pertains that we too are present in all forms of media. We just follow the ”in”, and the “in” is making your own scene by adapting a familiar name to tag yours. Besides, making a TV series longer would mean remaking the initial storyline to another, either added or diminished with scenes, characters, or even the gist (but I believe the creative writers seldom do this). Remixing songs really affects the outcome. Hear Ne-Yo’s “Miss Independent” (a version from the song “Forget About Me” by Lil’ Bit) and the sound is not that refined compared to the Lil’ Bit song (as I hear it, it really sounded like different from the original). So when you hear the Fiipino version different in technicalities, it is remixed. Yet the beat is still there.

Adding the present Filipino YouTube sensations moymoypalaboy and roadfill, their lip-synched accounts of various international songs has pulled out more talents to show up and to put out their own style.

We don’t know, but we may be the original trendsetters next time. We have long been you know, the country with the most number of Friendster users, and the most active people in the network sphere (despite the poverty and the doo-doo around).

さようなら! (sa-yo-na-ra!)

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA 

Demo Image Reasons

Konnichiwa friends and bloggers.

Today seemed so ordinary, like how I used to when I’m in school (but really I did go to school today). It was more of the out-of-school adventure, because we (yes, with a couple of classmates and Filipino teachers) went to Imus National High School to act as add-ons to the INHS students that will be the demo class for that event. The school seemed like it was like Gov. Ferrer Memorial National High School-Biclatan, as well as the covered quadrangle there, but our purpose for the day is to be students for a teacher’s demonstration teaching in Filipino. Actually we had attended the Filipino DemoFest 2008.

Traveling to the venue might be as tedious as how the real travelers experience. What we had is a slight conflict on the vehicle… whether it’s we students take the jeepney and the teachers ride the van, or the other. In certain minutes teachers had discussed the matter, until we, the students, got the ride in the red van (which, according to the owner - a teacher’s husband - is really intended for the youngsters, because we will finish early, and the owner will go home early, too). But then it is not a big matter to me. If only had the chance to choose, I would go for the jeepney. That’s quite fun and easy than an airconditioned van that makes me throw up (I really don’t like smells inside cars, especially the car fresheners).

The demo was good. At first I had the slight discouragement about having no members for my group, but things went a bit easier and all became good. I felt like having our own class inside our room, and our teacher seemed to be so. The atmosphere at first went awkward, but as the class went on we had a lighter ambience.

Yeah, and now I’m back, typing my blog for today. I am really glad I am updating my blog everyday, and that keeps me also on track with my friends’ posts. Today’s blog might be so different (or I think just slightly so you have to see the difference) and I don’t know why (maybe the smell of the car freshener I really hate; it burns my brain nerves).

_________________________________________________________________________

When we undergo improvements, is it necessary to leave your old image to a new one?

I remembered a friend of mine asking that to me years back. We were so young at that time and it is unusual to hear like that from our innocent minds. But the question was much interesting that it became a hanging question for me ever since, and until now I’m not yet justified by the answers thrown back at me.

And then, just this afternoon, before we got all to our cars (that is, the mini buses and the jeepneys bound to home) Melody (a schoolmate… she has her blog here also, check it out. She always advertise like: For love stories and poems, jump to my blog http://whitesideoftheblack.blog.friendster.com/) asked me if what between being the comic or the serious image should she adapt, and from the hallucination of the car freshener and the effect of fatigue, I just answered, just try one at a time, and then decide.

Quite between the lines, isn’t it?

But it really is true: we can’t know how things work until we try them. I don’t know, but now, the existence of this blogging wouldn’t be this possible if I am not trying it right now. And I guess I am enjoying and I would like to have more of it.

Yeah, like in what my Science teacher told me during her days as my instructor. “We cannot prove a theory unless an experiment is done. This is why we had now principles and laws in Science; our ancestors did try everything until they came to the right answer.”

 To see is to believe.

_________________________________________________________________________

Another is when she asked me for her survey to be used on her thesis in Filipino. The question was, “Do you like the subject Filipino?” and I answered “sometimes yes, sometimes no” wherein the choices are two and two only: yes or no.

She said, “No logical answers are asked for. Just yes or no.”

I couldn’t help but reason out to things. They always seem to have a reason. They always have something to be explained. They always have the challenge to decode. They have a puzzle for us to solve.

It is called LOGIC. REASONING. RATIONAL THINKING.

Maybe I was all over on being a scientist (remember secondary Science intro lessons tend to describe what a scientist is, and being logical in reasoning is one) that I now apply this “logical reasoning” to each and every issue I think of. Yeah. My head never stops on thinking for reasons, possibilities, and assumptions (but I don’t consider thinking the last one; or is it that I think of it but I don’t realize it) about everything that comes in. The result, a night of headache adds my nightmare. But seriously, I am that obsessed of thinking everything, that I know the most feasible consequences. In that most of the people closest to me interpret that I’m quite a psychic. Sadly, I’m not one. I had just realized the most possible thing to be considered, and executed.

And everything is not as exactly as what it is. We can say yes, but there will be the next words saying that not actually yes but we answered yes. To clear that, it is that we are on a variety, a range of answers that counts differently from plain yes or no. It becomes that difficult to answer because questions might be broad, like what Melody asked me about the subject Filipino. If she could’ve asked, “Do you like the activities done in Filipino?”, the answers might be narrowed into yes, sometimes, and no. This is what surveys get busy with (except for the tallying, that’s a really tiring job), the specification of questions.

And that all are different in every aspect. Even twins have different fingerprints.

And I actually know what you would do next. You would read more.

My Values Education teachers had taught me this piece of knowledge that seem fit here: God made Man with his brain at the top and heart at the chest which is connected to the former by the neck. Together did the two organs work, but Man was confused with what he should prioritize first, the brain, or the heart. And God said, “I put head at your top so that you can decide on what you should do, before the desires of your heart.”

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I hope that helped your brain. Start thinking. (But I know you always do)

I AM YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA

Mistaken Identity

Konnichiwa friends and bloggers.

As yesterday went, today is not far from that in terms of activity and excitement, and the energy is still here… so I’m here now, blogging all over and trying to tell to the world of Internet what Lara’s day went. Well, answering that one, it was good, I had my daily dose of laughter and entertainment, I had this airconditioned room experience (that is, I stayed in our school’s Filipino Department) working for certain materials for tomorrow’s fair, and I had a very good end to all that was done today - blogging!!!

Well, I should say my semestral break tantrums would end here now, I think what I said were enough to let a variety of people (name them! concerned, “it depends” or ignorant) about that unfairness (hmmp!!! to tell that we are yada, yada, yada…) but what keeps me pissed now is mistaking me for someone else. Yeah. Lara , yours truly, is always mistaken for this and that.

MISTAKEN IDENTITY: LARA IS NOT NAMED THE OTHER. IT’S LARA.

It is always my case (since elementary) that I am called very differently by my teachers. With that I am not easily known since they tell, “Hey, call Lorna there.” until it was not descripted that I wear eyeglasses. There came a time when I did not notice that I was already called (by a teacher) that I’m almost to the school gate and then a fellow classmate stopped me and told that our teacher is already shouting to call me. That I knew when the teacher pointed me and call me with a name too far away from my own. That I felt a mixture of angst and ignorance of my name. Well I had forgiven that one because these teachers were “old” to remember more names, but until now that I think people had evolved to a more memory space and capacity (as if I’m referring to iPods, mp3s, and other gadgets) I don’t know if I’m gonna land hell on earth.

Maybe those who had (and still… I know some and they all know I am, too) been a victim were laughing or just shrugging their shoulders about it. It’s a little mistake, a friend of mine says, and that is not that offending. Well I agree that it really is a matter of memory loss, but that ignorance stucks inside me and makes me think of certain questions.

Am I looking that close to this student and I was mistook for her?

Of course I’m not guy enough to be mistaken for a boy. I am though, amidst the scenery of my smoking nose, has pity to those whose names were used to refer to me. But gladly, I thank I have eyeglasses, that if not present would be a bigger discrimination for me.

Are they doing this because it really was their ailment, or are they doing it intentionally?

I’m not accusing the elders for this, I know so because humans are inclined to lose capacity to retain memory, and maybe also, the younger ones who really have the inborn ailment. But picturing this scenario of a person calling you in another name, then telling that is was just a joke, and then smiling or grinning. Grinning is very sly to me, I never grin when I know that I can hurt people. And the matter of that pains me hardly.

Am I that not known to be coined in another name?

I am being this conscious now about my social status, evidently that I now update my Friendster account and my profiles at other social networks. I must say, therefore, that I’m growing and starting to be known in almost all ways. Even when I participate competitions, symposiums or workshops I used to know new acquaintances and friends, that in return I learned to communicate verbally. Now I am mastering social networking right now, and that makes me, I guess, a more social persona. Well, being mistaken for another means I am not that known to be not easily recognized. (Am I? So who are you to read this blog? No, continue reading.)

These might be some of those questions stucked in these billions of nerves inside my brain, but they all point to one jeremiad: Why am I being mistaken for such?

That gesture might take a lot of degrees of magnitude to who you would do it. My friends would’ve laughed, they may have shrugged their shoulders after hearing that. For me, the worst interpretation of that, is to let that mistaken identity tell you that you are not known because your existence is not realized, that you are not recognized because people don’t have the best knowledge of you.

Yeah. When you are mistaken for another pains deep. But what can we say? It’s about memory loss, human resemblance and social blunder that makes the world but a sphere of mistakes. Or should it be oblate spheroid.

However, I guess the lack of social competence might be a very good reason why you are always called in another’s name. Maybe if we just open up like how we control our minds to shut up, or how I blog right now, we could let others know who we are, and that leaves them a mark.

And then, you won’t be mistaken for another again.

C’est La vie people of the world!!!

Sayonara!

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA

Difference

Konnichiwa friends, viewers and bloggers.

Today went great, and (I guess you’re imagining now the things I did) sad to say, there is still school today. Remember, today’s SEMESTRAL BREAK WEEK!!! I don’t know why it really takes ignorance and misunderstanding for those simple, understandable matters (you’ll get this if you read my last post) and now, instead of getting more sleep, more food and more relaxation you get another day of schoolwork.

(To the guilty ones:) I’m not whining about it. I’m just telling the world about that unfairness.

We evolve, don’t worry. I know, in a hundred million years’ time, we can understand what “semestral break” (and the other things we misinterpret) is all about, at least it’s not really us but the new generation, yet it’s too shameful we don’t realize that until our last hours.

Getting back to the world of kindness (am I that kind? I don’t think so) it seems that the week would be fine even though I have to spend the three days on schoolwork. Well, the school activity would be very rewarding, yet we really need to exert effort around that one. But what had been a task that is too easy? It got my nerves on and start thinking of concepts for that activity.

But I won’t tell the thing until it’s already done. Playing safe!!!

Besides that, I am trying to see the things in a more different way. Many had said I changed a lot, yeah that was correct; they told me I was a bit different, yes I was. That change might be of being better than it was before. That change might be of a worse record in all the sins I made. That change might be the light’s grace, or the dark’s misery, or both. Or maybe none of them. That change is quite different than the changes I had before, this weird that I can’t decode them.

I had premonitions before, though I don’t have the best of the sixth sense I had interpreted each and every sign and they did come true, the rise and the fall, of triumph and of remorse, all positive and all negative. I don’t have the best of realizations nor intuitions about this new change I am undergoing.

People had considered my change in a variety. It was good, because I had already opened up. I did the things I am afraid to do before. I went as societal as what the “socialites” were. I looked better now. I improved.

However, others had viewed this as if they were my official critics. They pinpointed the mistakes: this and that, all the flaws they saw. It was disgusting, it was wrong, it was incorrect. I crammed and I was forced, until the worst: I was pressured. I tried to cope with the nedds and requisites, and I topped them all. What’s humiliating is to have your work unappreciated by others. But what can you say about villains? They are as bad as them.

But whatever it is for, the purpose of this change, I see that I am still on control. I still know what I’m doing. I know what I like. I understand what I see. I have an idea where to go. I’m sane and sound. No one could tell that I’m going beyond the boundary, I’m still on a side I know good. I’m not guilty and I’m happy to realize that I’m supported by people around me.

I don’t have the best of wishes or the worst of the regrets I had for myself. What I have now, is myself. My own self. Only me. And the things that deal with it.

C’est La’vie.

I am YOUR ROLLING STAR!

LARA

Semestral Break Starts Now

Konnichiwa friends and bloggers.

I feel quite fulfilled that I see that I am having my posts nearly everyday, and that’s good for me. I must be relaxed these days (like I said on my last post that tests are done), it means a very significant day in a student’s life (no we don’t cry here, graduation is not yet in season now) but we get SEMESTRAL BREAK.

me here

After five months of doo-doo and do-do (yeah they sound the same, but doo-doo takes emphasis) in school (rhymes?) I am now into a week of nothing but pure relaxation: no homework, no projects, no school. That’s quite good, isn’t it? We only see our naggers (mothers, I mean) and brothers and sisters and the rest of the family, the neighbors and friends out in the village or in the cybernetic society.

me here again

Oh no, now I’m gonna protest on what I just typed. Homework. I guess I have something to do more (that may take a day) thus it’s not a week of relaxation but six days of enjoyment. Mark it wrong. It would be five days of relaxation since I’d be in the campus again on Tuesday (October 27).

I don’t understand why sometimes people have the flaw of misunderstanding situations which are almost obvious and understandable (or maybe they are not so fluent in English that they don’t even have the idea of the meaning of certain terms). Take the example of this seven-day (no, it’s five-day) semestral break. That two-word holiday means “a break between semesters“. That “semester” pertains to all activities, blurbs and doo-doos wherein the school or any educational activity is involved. Thus, if you’d make it in simple English (thanks to Wikipedia I realized that I could read their articles in that way… and now I don’t get nosebleeding) semestral break means a break from all school-related activities.

Language is still a big problem for us. A slight misinterpretation leads to a big mistake. Imagine that during a semestral break (which you should be enjoying) you are jampacked with assignments, projects, write-ups, to-dos and whatever the school has tasked you to do. That gives me the nosebleeding now.

Where is the break and relaxation spirit in that way?
 

 
 
Well, what can we say. If that is how it goes, then so be it. But at least they should’ve changed the term so it won’t be very dismissive for students like us. Maybe it could be coined semestral homework or home school week so that it feels like we were in school even the holidays are on, and the love for the school will never be forgotten even the Trickers and the Treaters (or both, if you’re too multitasker) Day and a midnight of ghost stories had passed.
 

Oh yeah. It’s already Halloween. Merry Christmas!
 

But yeah, dead serious, I am already greeting you a Happy Halloween and a Merry Christmas. I’m playing safe, you know, maybe it gets the time that I can’t post my blogs during those times (it is either because I am trying to comfort myself because of the ghost stories I’ll be hearing on the Black Day or because I am waiting for Santa Claus drop my gift from our chimney - if we had a chimney), and also because of the school work afterwards (another misunderstanding: Halloween - a break from schooling to visit and reminisce the dead - and Christmas - a break from schooling to experience the magic of the Yuletide - is far from doing a schoolwork during a break from school).

Yet, we have it already, so why whine about it? Just shrug your shoulders and say c’est La’vie (that’s life, if you don’t know it) and flash a big smile, and hope for the best of the rewards you can get.

So long dear reders ang bloggers….

Sayonara!!!

I am YOU ROLLING STAR!

LARA